What is bullying?  What are some forms forms of bullying?  Have you ever been bullied?  Has your child ever been the victim of bullying?

The definition of bully-

Bully: noun- a blustering browbeating person: one habitually cruel to others who are weaker.
Bullied: Bullying: to treat abusively, to affect by means of force or coercion, to use browbeating language or behavior. (Definitions taken from Merriam- Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary)

Have you ever saw children hitting or calling another child names and then hear the parent say “they’re just being kids, that’s normal”?  To me that sounds so ridiculous. What is normal about it? Nothing! What is normal is for children to have different personalities, backgrounds, likes and dislikes. There is a difference in teasing someone good naturedly and continuous bullying on a daily basis.

There is nothing normal about calling someone bad names, threatening them, hitting them, spreading nasty and untrue rumors about them. Now with technology bullying can also be done online through facebook and other social media sites, email and text messaging. Most children these days have a cell phone and some parents may not pay much attention to what there children are doing on them.

Sometimes children may not realize how they are hurting the other chid(ren), but others do know and don’t care.  They were never taught the golden rule, which is ‘treat others as you would like to be treated’.  I found a book that gives some pretty good advice on how to handle bullies.  It is called Bullying (52 Brilliant Ideas) by Sabina Dosabi, and here are some of the ideas below, plus a few of my own.

Some Reason Children May Bully Others:

• Sometimes bullying can be in the form of a gang of children, who are trying to make it known they are to be feared and are tough. 
• Some children bullies may go along with the crowd and bully another child just because others are.
• Some children that bully may feel inadequate in some way themselves. 
• Some child may bully others because they have been victimized in some way themselves.

The child that is being bullied may feel sad, alone and unhappy.  They may not know what to do about it, or feel embarrassed to say anything to anyone about it. 

For the child that is being bullied, we should let them know:

• That they can always talk to us and we will listen, no matter what it is.
• They can depend on us to always be there for them.
• That there is no shame in asking for help with a bully, it doesn’t make them weak.
• They can stand up for themselves without physically fighting.

Several Examples To Stop a (Verbal) Bully:

• If they call you a nerd, say “I know I am a nerd”.
• If they are always making fun of you because you have really bad acne, say “I know I have bad acne, I have feelings and I am getting bored with you talking about it all the time.
• If they say you are short, tell them “yes I know I am short, and it’s getting really boring with you saying it everyday.
• If the bully calls you a butt head, say to them “you keep telling me that, could you please explain it to me?  Because I have looked at myself in the mirror and I don’t see a butt growing out of my head.

I can remember when Vincent (my son) was about 10 years old, there was this little boy he played with everyday after school.  The little boy’s name was Ethan, and Vincent would come home everyday telling me about how Ethan would aggravate him and call him names.  I would tell him to ignore him and to stop playing with him.  I even talked to Ethan’s mother about it.

So one day Vincent came home crying and angry.  I asked him what was wrong and what happened.  He said I beat Ethan’s butt!  He said that he had had it and he was tired of being picked on.  After he told me the whole story, I went to Ethan’s house and talked to his mom.  Needless to say that didn’t solve anything, because she didn’t want to talk about it.  Vincent was not allowed to play with him anyone after that day.

I don’t condone children hitting one another, but I do believe that a child has to learn to stand up for themselves at some point.  I know as a mother it was hard for me to not always try to fix my children’s problems with other children.  I did tell my children to never start fights or to be mean to anyone else.  I also told them to stand up for themselves.  First come tell me and if at school tell a teacher and if someone hits you, yes hit them back if that is the only way to protect yourself.  I know from experience that if you give some people a mile they will take an inch.  If you don’t put a stop to someone treating you badly or stand up for yourself, that person will continue to do it.

There has been so much about child bullying in the news in the last 2 years and some of those instances ended with the child committing suicide.  That is really sad!  I know what it feels like to feel as if you can’t go on and you want to give up.  That’s where good communication may come in.  I know you have probably heard it all before, but communication is the best defense.  Look at your child’s behavior!  Does he or she seem withdrawn or sad or more angry than usual.  Talk to them, see if there is something you can do to help.  This may be hard with some teenagers I know.  I was one and it can be difficult to get them to talk to you.  Let them know that they can tell you anything and you will listen without judgements.

If you have a child that is the one that is doing the bullying, please let them know this is NEVER acceptable.  There may be something that has happened to them that you don’t know about and they are just acting out.  There could be numerous reasons!  Don’t give up…get them to talk, but don’t be a bully about it yourself.

(Picture of bear is from Flickr member)

Til Next Time!